Befriend Your Inner Critic
“Maybe self-criticism isn’t the problem, but rather how we react to the criticism that is the problem.
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As I have grown older, I've come to believe that one of the most difficult challenges we face is not achieving material success, professional recognition, or even a satisfying love life but learning to love ourselves. It's fascinating to observe that we're often our worst enemies, withholding kindness and empathy from ourselves while freely giving it to others. We frequently struggle with an inner voice that serves as a harsh critic and can gradually chip away at our self-esteem, leaving us exposed and unworthy.
This voice, commonly known as the inner critic, is not a solitary experience but a shared one that many of us go through. However, we are not born with this internal voice that constantly judges and critiques our thoughts and actions. It develops gradually over time through social comparison and constant reminders of our flaws and failures when we don't match up to impossibly high standards we set and hold ourselves accountable to, leading to a never-ending cycle of negative self-talk and self-doubt. This can result in a significant impact on our mental health and well-being, making it crucial to recognize and address this critical voice in ourselves. Dealing with our inner critic can be daunting while embracing self-love and acceptance can be overwhelming. It demands patience, effort, and a readiness to challenge our negative self-talk. It is an ongoing process, but very rewarding. By learning to love ourselves, we unlock our full potential and approach life with greater confidence and resilience.
It's critical to know that we have the power to change the way we talk to ourselves. To overcome the negativity, we must first acknowledge and recognize that inner critic is not always a truth-teller as it stems from our insecurities and fears. Once we grasp that it is merely an internal voice, we can take control of our thoughts and emotions. Rather than reacting negatively and allowing it to affect our lives, we can actively engage in self-dialogue that honors self-compassion and document our thoughts in a journal. We can practice a simple two-step exercise that involves:
Welcoming and Listening to the Voice
Understanding and Reframing its Message
The first step is to welcome your inner critic and listen to what it says. Acknowledge its presence and let it speak its mind. Then, try to understand the message is conveying. Ask yourself if the criticism is constructive or destructive. What is it trying to tell you, and could it be helpful in some way?
Once you understand the message, try reframing it more positively. For instance, if your inner critic tells you you're not doing enough, reframe the message by reminding yourself of everything you have accomplished and how far you've come. Focus on your strengths and what you're doing right rather than dwelling on your shortcomings.
It's essential to remember that consistency in practicing a renewed self-talk is vital to effectuate a lasting change. We must remember that the objective is not to silence the inner critic entirely but to alter its tone to be more empathetic and supportive. Let's be kind to ourselves and take the necessary steps to create a more positive and supportive inner voice.
What would you like to say to your Inner Critic to tame its negativity?